It's No Wonder...

Well it's no wonder I am so tired all the time! I have always been a go-getter. From the moment I left home in the late 80's, I have been on my toes full-tilt boogie! (That is how a special friend of mine put it) I raised a beautiful young girl from the moment she was born until she went away to college...by myself. I always worked more than one job to stay afloat. When she was old enough to get her first job and have money to buy some of the things I always worked so hard to buy, I found myself working even harder to do the things I always wanted to do but never had the time or money to do. I fell in love, got married, then made a move from Colorado back to my hometown in Michigan. All without a hitch and unknowing of what storm was brewing in my own body. I literally never stopped...until one day...

I have always thought of myself as pretty healthy. I never got sick and when I did, it wasn't very bad. After losing a job one year, I got sick and kept getting sick. I attributed it to the mold I had been exposed to at a house I lived at. I have always been a little sensitive to the sun, but over the last few

My BEAUTIFUL Daughter

years, the sensitivity became more and more intense. It's no wonder I had no idea I was carrying a monster around in my body and didn't even know it. Heck, I didn't even realize that getting up in the morning and stumbling to the bathroom and having to walk the house for a bit in order to iron out the kinks and ease the pain from the night was attributed to what I know about my health now.

First selfie ever taken!

Then, there were the days when selfies started to become popular. My daughter was the queen of
selfies and her flawless beauty was easy on the camera. For me, under her encouragement, I got pretty good at being able to angle the camera in the right spot to get the best selfie. It's no wonder I didn't notice the rash on my hands until now. When I was on a working diagnosis for Dermatomyositis, my husband and I looked back on 2-3 years worth of pictures I had taken, or someone else had taken and we saw that telltale rash that I didn't notice until as early as February of this year. Even on the day after I got married, almost a year before diagnosis, the red knuckles and Gottron's papules were visible. Yep, it's no wonder I didn't notice when I should have!

July 2015

May 2014

So then, cut to now...Here I am, slowed down, walking at times like I got ran over by a freight train in the morning until I get my blood flowing, barely able to comb my hair at times when other times I popped up like a whack-a-mole without struggle or assistance from the help of my husband. Some days I can barely get through the day as I am slow and fatigued and other days when I whip through the day like a pinball bouncing off the walls (but look out when I stop) I know now that my body is attacking itself. I now know that the times when I couldn't keep my balance and would trip because I didn't pick my foot up all the way as I walked was attributed to a beast I cannot cut ties with, and its call Dermatomyositis. It's no wonder I didn't know that I was slowly being defeated mentally, physically, and emotionally. I know now, but it's no wonder I didn't know sooner.

My #1 and I on our 1 year anniversary of dating

The greatest sister anyone could ever ask for

I have never been the type of person who has said "why me?" I have had a lot happen to me in life and have always felt that I have been built strong and can handle anything that has been thrown at me. I used to never question why these things happen because I always felt they were learning experiences in life. I now silently question why I am enduring this and not others, but only a little. I told my sister one time that my life has been a living hell since I moved back to Michigan. First I had to resign from a job that turned out to be a nightmare, then I get sick. I felt I made a mistake and felt that I wished I never made the move I did, when I did it. She told me that there was a reason I moved back here and it was my fate. It was meant to be that I met someone from my hometown, married him, and moved back here. It is no wonder that God put my husband in my life when he did and chose our fate together because, like my sister said, it turned out this way so I would not be alone during this struggle I am going through. Although she is younger than me, I have always looked up to her and I am thankful that she is here for me, if at least just to give me a hug and tell me "you'll be fine. We will all get through this together!" Someone was looking out for me so that I do not have to "Go it alone!" My husband is my rock and I do not know what I would ever do without him. He never complains about getting up to help me out of the bed, or even the tub. I love him so much and would be totally lost without him. Gail is right, I do not have to be in this struggle alone.

It's no wonder I never knew all these things...but I do now.